PTP.033: “The Three Rooms” -Author Kevin Murphy

The Pathway to Promise Podcast with Dr. Brad Milleris published to help people overcome adversities in their life and achieve their promise life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

In episode 33 of the pathway to promise podcast Brent talks with Wall Street managing director, high school and collegiate wrestling champion, community activists, speaker, coach, and author Kevin Murphy about his book the three rooms.

Kevin tells Brad that most of us are sleepwalking, focusing on the physical world we should be paying attention to our inner selves, and to be in the present.  the metaphor of the three rooms represents places our thoughts go: backward to the Past Room, forward to the Future Room, or now in the Present Room. In the Present room, there are no regrets of the past or fears of the future; it is the ideal state “where we can find joy, peace, acceptance, and compassion,” among other positive emotions. That is where we are meant to be. Kevin talks about the ultimate fulfillment comes when people awaken from a sleepwalking state and consciously aligned with their higher self. He calls this being in the Present Room.

People who truly want to change their lives by changing their thoughts will find a workable understandable process to follow as you listen to Dr. Brad’s conversation with the author of The Three Rooms Kevin Murphy.

Dr. Brad Miller

October 2018

The Three Room Book

Read Full Transcript

Brad Miller 0:00
Dr. Brad Miller back with you on the pathway to a promise podcast. And it is a really, really an honor today to have a author with this Kevin Murphy is an interesting fellow in many ways he comes from a corporate background working for city group for many years and having great success there including working with the United States government and global markets and securities and exchanges several things in that area. He's also in the world of athletics wrestling champion and a speaker and a coach and a

a Hall of Famer in the World of Wrestling National Wrestling Hall of Fame member. And he's also involved with with with matters of advocacy for nonprofits for the World of Wrestling, but also helping with awareness of opiate and drug drug epidemic says sweeping our country. But here's what I'm interested in what Kevin, I got to talk about today, it is obvious that he is an observer of the human condition. And you notice things like the relationship between happiness and unhappiness and how and that's results of this inner life things we got going on here that we talked about so much in the pathway to promise it will unpack a lot of that as we talk about his book, The three rooms Kevin Murphy, welcome to the pathway to promise podcast.

Kevin Murphy 1:33
Thank you, Brad, thank you for having me on

Brad Miller 1:35
it. It's an honor and a privilege and especially have a first time author of a really fine book, I've read through most of it to the last day or so and, and just some really insightful things about the human condition, and about how we can really choose to choose a life of meaningfulness if we choose to change our thinking, and that's what you're all about you, but tell me, I'd like to hear yours, right? But let me tell you about yourself thinking how did your thoughts get turned around to you come to what to even want to write this book in the first place. only hear a little bit about your background?

Kevin Murphy 2:08
Sure. Well, I, you know, I spent 33 years with one firm on Wall Street. And it was really six different firms that merged together. And through each of those mergers, you learn a lot about yourself, as well as other people's behaviors, you know, especially during times of adversity. And, you know, we all have to deal with our own levels, every diversity in both at work and at home. And I was no different. And so ultimately, I started to look within for answers. Because, you know, I certainly wasn't getting, you know, the right answers from other people. And ultimately, I just kept getting a premonition that I was going to write a book that I just didn't know what it was going to be about. And I can kept open the possibility that it could be about something meaningful. And, you know, when the idea first came to me, ironically, it was in the form of three doors when they were labeled past and the present in the future. And so that's what I thought the name of the book would be. But, you know, eventually the three doors became the three rooms as I kept describing the place where our thoughts go behind the doors,

Brad Miller 3:14
it's, it's an interesting metaphor, and course, you know, you do you expand the metaphor out a little bit, all these three rooms are under one roof, so to speak, are our life and so we have to choose how we're fine to, to manage those would get into those a little bit here. But this is about how you manage your thinking, and how you talk about these these three rooms, and what are some actions that you think people can take at least to have an awareness initially of the various aspects of these three rooms, you can you kind of define the three rooms for us

Kevin Murphy 3:50
Sure, will be the three rooms, it's, you know, in the premise, you know, of the book is that our experience of life is not based on what we do for a living or what we have, it's, it's based on what we think. And our thoughts can only be in one of three places they can be in the past, or the past room, they can be in the future, or the future room where they can be in the present or the present room. And whichever room your thoughts are in, in that moment, determines your experience of life. Because, of course, our thoughts can go back and forth. And so the key is to be aware of which room your thoughts are in. And in order to do that you have to observe your thoughts. And it's that act of observation that separates our awareness from our thoughts. And that awareness is white, all the mystics have always talked about, that's that divine consciousness, that Christ consciousness, or that Buddha consciousness, or however you want to explain it, but that's, you know, that's the place know that we really want to be connected to.

Brad Miller 4:50
Now, word consciousness is really key here, because so many people choose to when adversity hits or life happens, choose to try to ignored or push it down, or to be fine. Some other means to numb the pain sometimes, you know, chemically or through some other unhealthy habits. But you what you're saying is this consciousness awareness is a key to having some happiness and fulfillment here, and being aware of what it's all about, and sort of been pushing it away. And, you know,

Kevin Murphy 5:24
apps Absolutely. And, you know, the whole, you know, the key to the book, you know, is all about identifying, you know, where your thoughts are. Now, we see more and more Literature Today, just, you know, talking about the benefits of consciousness minded lifestyle, or, you know, spiritual lifestyle. And, you know, we constantly hear things about mindfulness and living in the present or being in the now and they all pertain to the conscious awareness of our thoughts. So more and more people understand how important it is to monitor our thoughts. But, you know, Brad, we just don't do a very good job at it. And I think if you want to get better at it, you know, you need to ask yourself a simple question, Where am I? Or? In other words, where are my thoughts? Or even better yet? Which room are my thoughts in? Yeah, anyone can tell you on the outcome, we were you on the outside, but only you can answer where you are on the inside,

Brad Miller 6:22
you find sometimes people sometimes have to have a

job to the system in order to wake them up for where they're at, to, to help them do with a question of where am I at? Or can something core Can people take some bold actions of their own accord in order to become more aware, I'm talking sometimes people at the major health issue, for instance, that wakes them up.

Kevin Murphy 6:45
And I think, you know, being aware, and they said, just constantly asking yourself, you know, where am I and that's something you can do all during the day. And so, instead of just, you know, in, you know, meditation in the morning, you can, you can extend that, because sometimes people do like to meditate and, you know, say prayers in the morning, and they go out into the world, and, and all the things have been that they see in here, and, you know, experiences of life, you know, pulls you in different directions, and causes different emotions. So, you know, it's, it's no, it's able to, to

Unknown 7:20
look at

Unknown 7:24
being able to be aware of what we're thinking and thoughts that make us not feel good, that brings us you know, that can help bring us back into into this center much more quickly. But

Brad Miller 7:33
do you advocate any kind of way to help help that to happen, he personal disciplines or

accountability partners, or anything along this line that can help us be more aware of where we're at

Unknown 7:49
with, I think one of the biggest things in let's say, the boldest actions that people can take in order to, you know, implement, you know, changes right away in their life is to install, find a cause that you believe in, and really get involved. Because, like you said, a lot of people have, you know, dealt with, with, you know, trauma and, you know, in other know, significant challenges. And, you know, when we come in, you know, across adversity in those in those times, either we can succumb to them, and focus on on the challenge in focus on on the past, and the negative emotions that that you've experienced. And that's what I call getting caught in the past room, and constantly going back there, constantly thinking about it, and constantly feeling those negative emotions. And that leads to things like blame and know I'm pointing out and it's, it's always it's somebody else's fault, or, you know, that, you know, you become the victim. And it's understandable why people would want to blame other people for certain things, or feeling like a victim. But starting to get involved with, with, with causes, and things that even have affected you, personally, starts to empower you to, to make changes going forward. And not only just, you know, in your own life, because of you can, you can take that, and we've seen examples of that, where people have experienced real, you know, either tragedies or, or no real challenges in their lives. And they've turned around and they've been spokespeople and, you know, inspirations to other people of how to overcome it. And that's the message that's really where we want to be, because they're letting go of their, you know, the past, it's not like they just totally forget of, you know, what happened, but they're taking what happened. And it's the perception of that, instead of that, okay, this is what happened, and now I'm a victim is their perception is, this is what happened, I've experienced this and now this is what I want to do with this going forward. You know, I want to help people I want to be, you know, you help be the influencer of change. Yeah. How about

Brad Miller 9:57
how about for you personally, Kevin just got a feeling that there was some life event or some some issue that came into your life that you had to overcome some adversity that you had to deal with, I just like to hear, but if you want your story about whatever was kind of an incentive here for you, and writing this book, if there was some particular if episode or issue that that may be helped you to processes this way?

Unknown 10:22
Well, I think, you know, I, I did have a, you know, a, let's say, a personal experience of adversity and in which probably was, you know, one of the biggest, you know, influences for the buck. And, you know, I, one day I was working, you know, in the, in corporate America and, and, you know, married with two kids and, you know, loving my life. And, you know, it seemed like, the next day, you know, all of a sudden we were going through a merger and I was living in a little basement apartment, you know, without my kids and you start to say, you know, how did this happen, you know, why is, you know, why am I here? And, you know, for me, I I literally stood up on my bed one night, and I had it out with God, I I screamed at him, I cursed at him and said, you know, why am I here? Why can I see my kids every day? I'm a good person, I didn't do anything wrong, this isn't right, you know? And then I started screaming you know, what else do you got, you know, I can take it Give it to me. And I think sometimes that that that total you know, release of all of these negative emotions and and taking it out on the one you know, power source that can handle it

Unknown 11:42
that all of a sudden it caused this this incredible calm within me and you know, overs and that's why I was talking about earlier, when you deal with adversity, you know, you can always find all the answers out with other people talking with other people. You have to, you have to, you know, truly look within and, you know, that started this whole you know, path of me constantly devouring everything I could about, you know about religion, spirituality, and, and really trying to connect with my with my higher power and they own salt, you know,

Brad Miller 12:14
that's a that's an incredible story. Because in many ways, what you're describing from some people's perspective, you would have been in a pretty good place, meaning you were having some some success in corporate America and some things along that line. And yet there was a level of discontentment that cause you to be, you know, have it outstanding beds, yelling, screaming, and to force you to, to come to terms of what is really truly important in your life. And it isn't that hit her life. And I just think outward appearances are sometimes sometimes to see the weekend at the inner turmoil going on of meaningfulness and meaning less than us that's going on. And that's awesome that you share it there, thank you. I know that take some voluntarily to share that I really thank you for doing that. But see, like what you described, there's a little bit of that you were trying to do with similar stuff in the, what you described as the as the past room, would you say, That's fair, when you were talking about the Europe your experience there?

Unknown 13:13
Yeah, cuz I was, I was holding on to things because, so I was, you know, I was better, I was resentful I was in I was holding on to these negative emotions every time I thought of, you know, not, you know, being able to see my kids every day and just, you know, it starts to build, the more and more you build any, I call it getting, you know, stuck in the past room. And, you know, and unless you do something to come back, you know, to come back into the present, come back into the present room and realign, you know, with your higher power, then then it's just going to continue to lead negative emotions. And we've, we all know, some people who, you know, have just been seem angry for years, and they just, and they hold on to graduates and they and they don't let things go,

Brad Miller 13:57
they get stuck, they get stuck, and whatever, bitterness and regret and all that painful stuff, you know, from your past. And if you choose to, you can just stay in the land of bitterness. But you

Unknown 14:11

Brad Miller 14:12
one of the things I find interesting about would you share in your book and is that some people and a lot of folks, I think, especially folks who really get into, oh, you know, self help type of literature, and so on. And it's all very well and good. But a lot of its focuses on the future, you know, major goal setting, and so on. And that's all good stuff. And you do share about what you call the future room is not always all it's cracked up to be in the sense of, it's not always about those futuristic things that there is some things to be wary of their would you share a little bit about how there are some things about the future room that are not exactly where we, we went to be

Unknown 14:55
sure, when I talk about the future room, it's once again, thank looking to the future and about what can happen, and usually from a worst case scenario, or, you know, looking at what's, you know, what's not going to happen, and having it cause negative emotions. And if you look at, you know, long term chronic illness, you know, in society today, it's one of the major causes this stress, and, you know, if you've never had an anxiety attack, you know, it's, you can't appreciate how physically debilitating it can be. And really, it's, it's from looking at what is looking at your life as it is right now. And then, if your desires have not yet, you know, come to fruition, or manifested yet, then, you know, you can look to the future and you focus on, you know, what isn't, what isn't happening, and what you don't have. And those thoughts can prevent your desires from coming. And so you really can't look at what you know, what is in projected into the future of what isn't, or what you don't have, really. And of course, we need to look to the future and plan for the future. But you're,

Brad Miller 16:07
you're just a little bit different. And planning, you're talking about some of that emotional kind of the what ifs, if I was kind of grew up in a really spiraling down, you'll place

Unknown 16:16
exactly. And so in the present room, you think of your desires, and instead of focusing on what isn't, you imagine what can be and then focus on the feeling of your desires already coming true, that's the same thing that Christ talked about, in the same thing that all the, you know, the mystics have always, you know, sad. And so, you know, when, when we focus on what can be, instead of, you know, what can't be or what isn't, then we can start to attract into our lives, you know, all the things that, you know, will, you know, help us achieve those desires,

Brad Miller 16:57
and we start to attract those things, that's what you call the present room, that's the places of, of peace of joy, is that that's what we want to be, is that right?

Unknown 17:08
Absolutely. And I think that's really where most important, that's where we come in alignment with our higher power, or, you know, with our soul with that, that whole divine consciousness, because even when you think about that, you go back to the past room for a second, and feeling negative emotions are being angry at someone that you can't let go, those negative emotions of anger, or resentment, or letting you know that you are looking back into the past, and you are simply not viewing it or perceiving it the same way as your own higher self, because your own higher self, or that divine consciousness, it's not condemning that person, it's not blaming that person, it's not judging that person, you're doing that you can call it your ego, whatever you want to say, but it's the separation from your own Hi, yourself. And so when you're in the present room, that's when you realign you know, with source with our father. And that's when those feelings of love and appreciation enjoy all start to come out. And, you know, we can imagine that's why from the present room, we can imagine a future and it's okay to plan for the future, you know, and, but we do it in the present, we do it right now. And we imagine what can be and we feel good about it, the joint what what it would be like, you know, if, if I accomplish this, and, and feel that and hold on to that. And now you're not pushing that desire away, you're attracting a closer, but as soon as you say, I'm never going to be able to do that, then I can't do that I'm not this, then you start to push it away. And so it really is, that's how your thoughts can really affect your emotions, and how you feel.

Brad Miller 18:57
And part of what we're talking about here. Of course, when you do achieve that place, that place of alignment with your with, with your higher power with God, and that you have that present room, as you call it, that is the place where there is a true sense of purpose in meaningfulness. And that's what we all achieve and strive for. And yet, we know it's not the reality for a lot of folks. And I want you to speak now a little bit, if you don't mind, Kevin, to you, some of these folks who may be listening who are kind of stuck a net pass room are stuck in a future room, or might determine you use your book as sleepwalking through life

help us think of help us process some actual disciplines or actual processes that you advocate that can help people move to that to that present room.

Unknown 19:47
Sure, I think, you know, I have a little saying one word by day, and two words by night. And if you want some, you know, actual steps and discipline actions that that you can do, I mean, just, you know, changing one word, you know, well, you know, during the day can make so much difference. And it has to do with our thoughts. And when you think of your thoughts, you have to think of the two words I am, you know, which is, that's our awareness of being right. So, whatever we put after I am or whatever we include, in that, that's who we believe we are. And so too often in the past room, and in the future room, we keep adding the word not. And we get it from a lot of, you know, let's say either well, meaning folks are not so well meaning folks, oh, you're not good enough for that, or you're never going to be able to do that. So we start to define ourselves as I am not good enough for that, you know, I'm not going to be able to do that. And we keep saying, I am not. And that thought produces negative emotions, no matter what is, whether it's looking in the past, or looking in the future, you know, it's, you know, I'm just not going to be able to do something, it's just, it's, you know, when you start to get down, all the way down to the things of the shame at the bottom of the, of the emotional scale, you know, the places where we don't want to be, but if you substitute not with one word, so, instead of, I am not, you take the word already, as I already am, then you're changing everything, even within yourself, you can feel it when you start thinking, Oh, well, I, I already am meaning let's say your desires to be healthy or to be wealthy, you know, then you can say, Well, I'm I'm not, I'm not healthy. Now, I've had this you know, I've been diagnosed with this, and I'm not wealthy, and I'm not going to be able to you keep projecting that into the future. But if you start to come from the point of I already am healthy, I already am wealthy and you imagine what it would be like to be healthy and to be wealthy and you feel that now you've changed everything that thought of I already am instead of I am not changes your emotions. And if we change our emotions, from negative emotions, to positive emotions, already we have changed our experience of life before anything else in the physical world changed we can wake up in the same day and feel much better simply by the thoughts of I already am and you start to act and feel that way. And it sounds crazy Will you know well, with its if nothing really changed? How can you How can you change your thoughts? But the key is we have to change our thoughts before we see the physical changes in our life. Because if we wait for the physical changes to in order to make us feel better, wouldn't ever gonna feel better.

Brad Miller 22:58
Good work that way does it just didn't work?

Yeah, what else what you're saying, which are in there when you say I am already that's a present tense use of language, but it's are saying it is happened It is now and that's a makes a world a world of difference. And I thinking about now in your book, where you kind of talk about the difference in euro chapter about, about a movie about watching a movie or being in a movie and how there is a difference between observing something and participate in something that I see there. I like I love this quote, I want to share it with you from your own book here that you did you talk about watching the drama versus living a drama and about how a movie we have a willing suspension of disbelief we accept that is not real well, in real life, we did a willing suspension of false belief, a suspension, to believe in all the untrue things we've been taught like, really greetings and revenge. It's a great, great quote there from your book. And just speak that a little bit about what you're talking about here about how life is a we're in the movie, this is a real life thing, right? We were part of this play,

Unknown 24:14
you're absolutely right, whether anybody wants to acknowledge it or not mean we are all actors in the movie of our lives. This is, you know, this is what we're in, and what's being projected on each one of our screens. And the movie of our life is how we think and how we feel that is what we project out. And that's what other people get to us. That's what we attract into our life. So depending on which room you're in, that's kind of the movie theater that, you know, that's going to be projecting your experience of life. And the other one concept, the main key concept in that is the question Who's your director. And so, you know, if you're trying, if you're listening to the ego, and you're, you know, when you're listening to everybody else, and you're not good enough at this, you better get that person back. And look, what did you see what they did to you. And you know, and so you constantly have all these thoughts. And that's those negative emotions as such, creating negative emotions, that's going to what plays out in your life. And so if you want to change your life, and you want to change your experience, and feel better, and have more positive things happen, you have to change directors in in your own life's movie. And the other director is your own higher self, that's your inner teacher, your inner being, you know, that Christ consciousness that that we all have access to, and that's the voice we need to listen to. Not all the voices on the outside telling us what we should do, and that we're not good enough. Listen to that inner voice. That inner voice is always telling us You're amazing. What else do you want to do? You know, you can do anything together, we can do anything I was talking about that sort of I am not, I am not good enough. I'm not. No, I'm not not going to be able to do that. All those thoughts from the past and the future Rome, the one thought from I am that using the word I am not in the present room should be I am not alone.

Unknown 26:13
I always have you with me. And that's you communicating with your own higher self, I am not alone. And so what's next? You know, where should we go from here, you know, pointed out it doesn't mean you sit now you sit back and do nothing, but it's like, what's next your this is my life movie, I'm here, forget about, you know, going back, I'm not going to push the rewind button. I'm already here. Let me imagine, you know, a great script going forward. Because whatever you can imagine your higher self is writing a new script for your life movie, and you want to follow that director,

Brad Miller 26:48
that's great. If we follow that thinking from a from a Christian perspective, we can think of the the admonition of Christ I am with you always, even at the end of the age is way of thinking about that, that bringing that higher power that source of power in our lives and know that we're not in this alone, but we do have the processes on the inner life part of that process. I really think something that we need to talk about here just for a second Kevin is is about the issue of forgiveness. I don't know if we can move through these rooms for the past room, whether even the future room to the present room without forgiving ourselves and maybe having a forgivable need for nature to other people. Can you speak to the nature of forgiveness and the power of that in in this whole process that you that you're talking about here?

Unknown 27:36
Absolutely. And Brad, you hit on one of the, you know, the crux of, you know, not just Christianity, but you know, for all spiritual path. And if you are, if you are stuck at past Rome, and you, you just someone did something to you, and you can't let it go, and you have anger, you know, in your heart, you know, clearly the, the most effective way of moving from the past room with those negative emotions back into the present room is through forgiveness. And unfortunately, too many of us, we have levels of forgiveness. And I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say, Well, I know I'm, I'm a forgiving guy. But you know, this time he crossed the line. And the problem is, we all have a different line that that, you know, that that that we draw in Christ didn't tell us to draw any line. You know, that's none of the spiritual master said, that's, you know, here's, you know, yes, you can forgive this. But, you know, you don't have to forgive that unforgiving, unconditional forgiveness, you know, is forgiving, you know, anything?

Brad Miller 28:45
No, there's no sense of sense of a, a, a qualified or earned forgiveness, you, you know, you have to ask for forgiveness, but it's not earned.

Unknown 28:54
Yeah, I have, I have friends that I went to Catholic school in elementary school with, and some of them, they don't talk to each other. After 20 years, they're still holding grudges. And I and I try to tell them isn't that the crux of our whole religion about you know, forgiving and they just can't get over and from a from a silly event that happened 20 years ago. And if you really want to understand forgiveness, look at the stories that are out there. And there's tons of them where people have gone You know, experienced incredible hardship, heartening and pain. And yet, they have chosen to forgive someone in the sometimes incredibly, you know, horrible situations, and they have forgiven and they have found out that they have freed themselves. And forgiveness is nine about getting letting the other person off the hook for goodness is about letting you off the hook. So you can go enjoy the rest of your life. And there's so many examples of those and read about a couple of those people and say, you know, because we hear it a lot in in, you know, on the TV, we can hear someone say, you know, I'm never going to forgive them. I hope they rot in jail for the rest of their life. And that's understandable. But then you see something, and another charity where this and the person says, You know, I have totally forgiven them, even if it meant the loss of a loved one for them. They said, and now I can move on with my life. That's the key now I can move on with my life.

Brad Miller 30:34
And that's a source of absolute peace for the person who's been wronged. If we wait, if we if we are the wrong to party, you know, if we're the one who who did not want to get to divorce, but the other person did, for instance, if we're the wrong party, and we went around for the other person to ask us to forgive them, something like that, it that's not just certainly not necessarily going to happen, we have to forgive them regardless. And that's what will bring us peace. And that's what I think you're sharing here in your book is one of the ways to get to that present room is by

extraordinary forgiveness.

Unknown 31:14

Brad Miller 31:15
Yeah, let's talk about love for a second has a feel for what all this happens here, we were talking about, you know, drawn in this higher power. But I got a sense that we want to arrive at this point president place of love, but loving relationships and feeling the love of that higher power is important here to speak to how the power of loving relationships, whether it be family, or friends, or advocates, or other

neighbors, or whatever, speak to how that can be important part of moving forward to the present room.

Unknown 31:47
Well, certainly thinking about people that you love, automatically, you know, and then the emotions of you know of joy, and in contentment and appreciation that they they bring can always slide us back into the present room, we always in so loving relationships in our lives, whether it be a spouse, or family, or close friends, or anyone can always slide us back into the present room. But it's really important to understand that in any loving relationships, or for all of our loving relationships, is still always starts with our relationship with ourselves. And with our higher power, you start there, then, then what you project out is so much more loving. And it brings so much more clarity and meaning to all the relationships in your life. But if you are thinking thoughts, and you're not happy with yourself, and you're not connected to your higher power, you may think you have a good relationship with someone else that, you know, in your family or friends. But if you keep project doing things, like, you know, anger, and negative emotions out on people, because that's kind of what you're feeling and picking up, you're really not helping that relationship. So it starts with, you know, that one relationship with your higher self. And, you know, there's, there's a concept that I have, which which gives a really good example of this is called the internal mirror, you know, we all look in the mirror, and we see our reflection, and then we can see our, you know, imperfections and, you know, we can try to change them in, you know, and maybe, you know, lose some weight, or I'll cut my hair. And we're always worried about our appearances. But what if you can look into a mirror and see reflected back to you what you are like, on the inside,

Unknown 33:42
because all mirrors reflect back to what you're like on the outside. But what if you can look in and now you can see know exactly how you're in the inside now, would you see love and peace and compassion? Where would you see bitterness or anger, anger or resentment. And that's what you feel that's being reflected back to you. So if you look in a mirror, and you think of it as an internal mirror, ask yourself, what's being reflected back to you? How do you feel, and that's really where you have to start. And if you're feeling love, and appreciation and gratitude, think of how amazing now your quote, loving relationships are going to be, they're going to be so much more powerful. But if you're looking in that internal mirror, and you feeling back bitterness, resentment, are you blaming others, now you leave that mirror, how are those loving relationships going to be, they're not going to be as loving as you think they are. So let's start looking within aligning with higher power. And also getting to getting to the point where we can look in an internal mirror and like what we are getting reflected back.

Brad Miller 35:09
That's awesome. That's awesome. Because that really what it boils down to this self awareness we started our conversation about has to do with awareness that, you know, we have to have this understanding of that power of a loving God in our lives. That's what I like to share that that spiritual force and in loving ourselves, that is the source of everything, all the other good stuff that happens, we got to start there. And some of these disciplines you've been sharing with us are so helpful. I know you've have some other things about meditation practices and mantras and metal stickers that you've talked about in your in your book, and that are helpful to I just what I'm getting at is I just think we need a process we need these disciplines to help us do these things. And, and there's some good good tips in your book about that I thank you for thank you for those

Unknown 35:59
thank you very much appreciate

Brad Miller 36:01
anything, the theme of what we're about here on the pathway to promises, helping folks to process their life in such a way to find their what we call the promise, life of peace, prosperity, and purpose in life. So I always like to ask almost home, I guess these these three questions. And we've touched on quite a bit already, but just simply for you, Kevin, what brings you peace?

Unknown 36:27
Well, what, what brings me peace is is that connection

Unknown 36:33
with my higher self, and, you know, I think of it as you know, in the present room,

Unknown 36:39
and it's about communicating with your higher self, it's not thinking it's there, or wondering if it's there. It's actually it's actually having that communication. So when I say, you know, where am I, you know, I just, you know, through the day, and you know, something, if I'm not feeling great, have always talk about how do I feel? I say, Where am I? Oh, yeah, I'm right here with you. And that's what I literally say, I'm right here with you. And I'm talking to my own higher self. And that brings that feeling of connection once again, like, I'm not alone, and oh, yeah, you're here. And, and for the movie of our life. For the movie of my life, I keep imagining my own higher self saying, watch the movie. Kevin, I'm right here with you. I'm looking through your eyes, watch the movie. Kevin, I'm right here with you. I'm looking through your eyes. Now, all of a sudden, your perception of people, you start to see through the eyes of God through the eyes of Christ. You know, in in, when you make that connection, it just changes everything you see. And that's what was going at the beginning. It's we can either let everything we see in here affect how we feel, or we can let how we feel and that connection affect how everything we see in here.

Brad Miller 37:58
No, that's awesome. So Kevin, how would you How would you define prosperity,

Unknown 38:06
I would define prosperity as being totally immersed, enjoy, you know, I,

Unknown 38:12
we are all different things about success. And people striving for success. And what is success? I mean, everybody has a different view of success. And the same thing with prosperity, prosperity, it's not about the things that we can't take with us. When we leave this physical plane. It's not about the amount of accumulations that we we get, you know, prosperity is about all the things we hold in our heart and all the love and compassion in those those feelings. That's what we're here to experience. Because, you know, I truly believe that we are eternal beings that have, you know, manifested in these bodies in order to experience ourselves and if we're an eternal being connected to, you know, our source and our father, then what is that, that's, that's your love, and that's who we are. So we're here to experience pure loud and that's that's prosperity to me total prosperity is is that feeling as much as possible holding on to that feeling that feeling of powerful feeling of love?

Brad Miller 39:17
Awesome, they just one more question What's your purpose right now

Unknown 39:22
you know, my purpose is one is to help other people

Unknown 39:26
but I'd say you know, to go back to not to sound selfish but I believe you know, my number one purpose is to stay in alignment with my own higher self and then I can help other people you know and I do it through other things mean I have you know, addiction in my family and so helping you know, different campaigns to raise awareness for addiction and things like that that that by helping other people by raising awareness I feel good about what I'm doing and so in a sense I'm helping myself by helping others

Brad Miller 40:01
awesome stuff awesome stuff thank you Kevin. Kevin What are you working on right now and how can people be in connection to you have with your with your book the three rooms

Unknown 40:11
well the the the three rooms it's just it's it's my first book I was just published you know last month so you know to it's available on Amazon and there's a website WWW dot the three rooms calm and I think that, you know, there may be some other books, you know, in store down the road as more and more of this just, you know, allow things to unfold and and I'll keep working on on like I said, different campaigns for to, to raise awareness for this, this opioid and heroin epidemic that's sweeping the country and you know, we have something called wrestling takes down drugs to raise awareness for that and that's the gist of www. Wrestling takes down drugs.org. So there's just a couple of initiatives and we're glad to

Brad Miller 41:02
hear that will put connections to those in our show notes. And Kevin just want to thank you for being with us today and on the pathway to promise podcast. Kevin Murphy, the author of the three rooms change your thoughts change your life.





PTP.032: Joel Comm “The Fun Formula: How Curiosity, Risk Taking and Serendipity Can Revolutionize How You Work”

PTP.032: Joel Comm “The Fun Formula: How Curiosity, Risk Taking and Serendipity Can Revolutionize How You Work”

The purpose of The Pathway to Promise Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller is to provide a pathway for persons to overcome personal adversity to achieve their God-given promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

In Episode 032 Dr. Brad Miller interviews the author, internet entrepreneur pioneer and podcaster Joel Comm.  Joel specifically talks to Brad about his new book The Fun Formula: How Curiosity, Risk Taking and Serendipity Can Revolutionize How You Work.

Joel contends that two words dominate the lives of many people in the workplace which are “hustle” and “grind.”   He points out that greatest success in his life has not come from “hustle” and “grind” but when he relaxed focused on personal relationships and experiences and was curious about the opportunity around him and had a bias on serving the needs of others.

Joel says to Brad that no one knows how much time we have on this earth and should act to seize the day and enjoy life and have fun. This approach to living is “do good things.”   

Have fun and enjoy Episode 032 of The Pathway to Promise Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller.

The Pathway to Promise Podcast is published on a regular basis by Dr. Brad Miller who has spent 35 years in pastoral ministry and holds a doctoral degree in transformational leadership.

Dr. Brad Miller

October 2018



Read Full Transcript

Brad Miller 1:23
Our guest today on pathway to promise is a published author of a number of books. He's been involved with the internet marketing space and in the media space for some time. And his latest book is the fun formula, how curiosity, risk taking, and serendipity can revolutionize how you work. His name is Joel Comm. Joel, welcome to the pathway to promise.

Joel Comm 1:47
Excellent, thanks for having me. Joel.

Brad Miller 1:49
It is excellent to have you here on our podcast, which is all about helping people overcome adversity to achieve some of their promise. Life is like we like to call it your latest book is about fun, and about how you can use fun to turn your life around. But I've got a I've just got a suspicion that you wrote this book somewhat out of response to some parts of your life that may have not been so fun.

Say, can you say a word about that maybe why you wrote this book was there someone responds to adversity in your life, you know,

Joel Comm 2:25
it was more response to the messaging that's taking place out there. Right now, there's two words that we're hearing again and again, and in reference to how one succeeds in the business world. And those words are hustle and grind. And I absolutely bristle at the sound of that terminology. Because not only do I think that the hustle and grind mentality is, is not the best way to approach business and life, but it's also damaging, you know, somewhere else along the line, we turn this idea that hard work is a virtue into that 10 times the hard work is 10 times the virtue and I reverse engineered the 23 years, I've been doing business online, I've had about seven, what I would call home runs, and even more, a greater number of failures. And then everything in between. And what I discovered is that the home runs the greatest successes came when I actually did the least amount of effort into them. Uh, but the themes that they had in common were that I was always following my curiosity and allowing my creativity to express itself, I was always willing to take a risk. And I allowed the process serendipity to to take its right timing for things to unfold. Every time I tried to force things that's usually when things went, you know, off the rails. And so I think that there's a place for hard work, there's certainly a time that you have to buckle down and get things done. But there really is something to working smart as opposed to working hard.

Brad Miller 4:10
And as a part of this process, you seem to share that following your passion is really where where magic can happen, say a word about just following your passion as opposed to be forced to do someone else's agenda?

Joel Comm 4:26
Well, sure. I mean, I believe that we all have unique passions and, you know, were created for a purpose. I don't think anybody's here by accident. And we're all incredibly unique with our own talents, and experiences and personality. And, you know, how, how we approach the world. And I think that when we are following that, which we are most personally aligned with, that's where we're going to find the greatest success. And again, there's nothing wrong with doing a job and doing that job. Well, you know, if you're going to do a job and pursue somebody else's dream, then, you know, perhaps part of your dream is, is being, you know, part of that team to make that happen. But, you know, if you've got your own dream to do something, especially as an entrepreneur, then, you know, there's people out there that are going to be selling you this hustling grind bill of goods, and that's truly what they are doing. They are selling it to you, they want you to buy something, and odds are, that's not going to be the best way to go about getting what you want.

Brad Miller 5:27
Hmm. I think a lot of people are searching for, for filming in their life, whether it's in their career, or in something else in their life. And, and they're not having a whole lot of fun. Do you put Do you correlate fun and fulfillment together in some form or another,

Joel Comm 5:42
I do, I feel that when you're doing what you're made to do, even though there's work involved in it, you're going to enjoy it, it's not going to feel like work. I don't remember who who actually said this. But the quote is, if you can tell the difference between your work in your play, you're doing one of them wrong, her, you know, I I haven't worked like the way we think of work for years, I, I do what I love to do. Now, that doesn't mean that everything I do I love every component of it, you know, sometimes there's tasks we got to do that are, you know, tedious, or maybe not exactly in our skill set, or, you know, timing could be difficult. But it means in general, we love what we do. And as a result, we have a better chance of being successful at it. And fun spills over from work into play, and play into work. And, and, you know, if we love what we're doing, we're just going to be more effective at that task.

Brad Miller 6:43
When one of the things you talk about in your book, as you kind of point to the opposite. What you're saying there is that fear can hold us back and it fun is on the other side of fear. And then we we going to break through fear in order to find those serendipitous moments. How does fear hold this back? And what are some maybe strategies we can use to break through fear?

Joel Comm 7:04
Well, I think that, you know, we definitely live in a competitive society. And I think that's a good thing. And, you know, we very early on, we grade, you know, our students, and, you know, you get an A, from two and a half of you know, that the F is for failure, right. And we're told that failure is a is a bad thing, but failures, not a bad thing. In fact, I've learned more from my failures than I have from any of my successes, the successes, you know, those are the times we celebrate, whoo hoo, and, you know, crack open the champagne and think, okay, what's next? But the failures of the times that we get to really be introspective and figure out what went wrong. Was this the wrong project for me? Was I distracted? Was there outside influences was it wrong timing, there's all these questions. And if we are honest, and take a look at, you know, what we can evaluate that happened, then we can learn a lot. And so the greatest life lessons come from failures. And so don't be afraid of failure. When when we talk about failure, I see opportunity, you know, there's opportunity to grow. And if you're going to push beyond fear, you have to be willing to take risks. And we all know people that are not willing to take risks, they play it safe, their their content, or at least appear to be content in the security of knowing that they're getting a paycheck, you know, that they've got their job, that they have their insurance, there's no risk, really, seemingly involved in doing the same thing, and not stepping out. But if you're going to, you know, do something that truly makes a difference, something epic, something magical, that that is a fulfillment of your dreams, you're going to have to take a risk, and that means you will fail, I have failed way more times than I have succeeded. But those failed years, have then led me to learn the lessons that have led to the greater success. So risk taking is a key part of the fun formula.

Brad Miller 9:10
Yeah, I've heard it said, if you want to find the fruit, it's not only you got to go out in the land to find the fruits, right, you got to take some risk there. You You mentioned one of those subtitles of your book talks about serendipity. And that's a term I love. I use it in my life and ministry a lot, you know, so it was kind of those aha moments. And you talked about how you can't really engineer serendipity. But you can create the environment. See a little bit about that. But what's turned up means to you, what do you what do you mean by creating the environment?

Joel Comm 9:41
Well, to me, you know, I don't, I don't believe in luck. I know that we try to attribute locked to the unexplainable circumstances of our lives. But I'm kind of one of those that believes things happen for a purpose. But we don't know we see opportunities, we have to hit like the have our radar, fine tuned to be able to recognize what's going on around us, some people get really focused on a goal. And they were told that, hey, if you want what's on the other side of that door, you just keep beating on that door until that thing opens up, I'm looking around and going, but you know, there's a door over there, that's open just a crack, and there's one over there that's wide open, there's opportunity all around. And if we get this tunnel vision of this has to be the thing and this has to be how it was done, we miss opportunity. And so serendipity to me, is trusting the process and it's showing up, it's allowing opportunity to come our way in detecting it. When it does, it could mean you know, answering the right email at the right time, making the right phone call showing up at the right event. And not knowing what's going to happen there. But creating an environment around you that says, You know what, I'm open to anything happening. I can't tell you how many times just showing up and being around people. Because ultimately, our business is about people, not about our products and our services. Those are just the conduits we use to serve people. But all are the things that we do are there to serve people. And so put yourself around people, and you're going to discover opportunity. And, you know, ask questions, I love going to events, even if I don't have a direct business reason to go there. I mean, I've showed up at the Toy Fair, and Comic Con, and the networking events and marketing events of all kinds, just because I think, Hey, this will be fun. And you never know who you're going to meet. And you never know from speaking with somebody what problem they have, that you might be able to solve.

Brad Miller 11:50
So your agenda is more an open ended agenda. Rather than going to an event, let's say that you're going to whatever handout 100 cards, whatever it would be, or you're wanting to really make connection with such such people trying to be open to what opportunity comes. But it sounds like making these personal connections, at events and so on, is part of the strategy for allowing this environment to happen

Joel Comm 12:09
well, really isn't oftentimes those connections come to you. And it happens when you have these discussions. You know, so many times people come with a fistful of business cards. And their goal is to distribute them and tell people what they do. Well, that's just kind of like email blasting, you know, a bunch of people I prefer to go to where I know people are that have some sort of connection to the same interests as me and ask them what kind of problems are having What's going on? Yes, and about them, you know, we always say, so what do you do, and oftentimes, we can't hurt wait for people to finish telling us what they do. So we could tell them what we do, right? That that that mindset is not effective. The mindset should be, ask people what they do, and then listen and find out what their needs are, they may have absolutely no interest in what you do. But if what you are able to do solves a problem they have, all of a sudden, you're the right person in the right place at the right time. And that could turn into something that you never predicted.

Brad Miller 13:13
And there's simple power in the Ask power in making those connections. And I sure appreciate that say. So there's these relationships are powerful, I would just say a word about I like to talk about how even these types of relationships, there's an element of emotion or love, even though might say, what is the power of loving type relationships, whether it's in your personal life, or in reaching out to others, or caring about humanity is general that makes a difference in helping us transform and have more fun in our life.

Joel Comm 13:44
Well, again, when you're remembering that your your life is ultimately not about you, but about the blessing in the value you bring to others. It takes the focus off yourself. And it also helps us with with our fear, you know, we can be more loving, loving to ourselves, when we realize, Hey, you know what this passion that I have this thing I want to do is not so much about me as it is how I can serve other people with it, you know, great application for this is as a public speaker, I used to be terrified to speak. And it's taken many years for me to get to the place where I feel like I'm walking into my own living room when I go on stage. But what I always tell people who are nervous about speaking, is to get over themselves. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but we get when we get into our fear, we get so focused on ourselves, and how we're going to perform and in nervous about what we're going to say. But the truth is, you have an audience of people that are there because they want to hear what you have to say. And if you're focusing on yourself, you're doing them a disservice. And so they tell you the picture of the room of people naked. I don't like that idea.

Brad Miller 14:56
And I don't want to see, yeah, I prefer I prefer to see people more on your side, anything else? And they're really rooting for you. More often than not, they're here you see, for some reason to make a connection to you. Sure, yeah. Joe, you you also talk in your book. And I know I've in your personal life a little bit about

the importance of have a higher power

chest, little bit about a sense of connect you to a higher power, how can this have helped us have fulfilling their life or help us have fun in their life and speak to, to what we really what's most important in life?

Joel Comm 15:33
Well, you know, not not everybody's gonna believe is, I believe, and that's fine, I'm allowed to have my beliefs and others are allowed to have theirs. I believe there is a spiritual component, I think that humans are three part beings, we are physical, you know, we were in these Earth suits that we were for a time while we're here for the very short blip, that we exist on this planet, we have souls that, you know, that are who we really are that invisible part, our mind or will or emotions. And then I believe we have a spiritual part that is designed to connect with a higher power, or God is, is I like to call him. And I think that because spirituality is something that persists in all likelihood, apart from this physical world, it seems to me that that spiritual realm is actually a more significant realm than the physical realm, you know, we, we live in the here and now. And because we can touch the world around us, it feels like this is all there is. But if there is a spiritual component, it is a superior realm to the physical realm. And so I think investigating that in our lives, and making that a part of our core and understanding what we believe and why we believe it, and then living that out in a way that impacts the world positively. I think that that's naturally if that all is true, that's naturally going to leave to a more fulfilling time on Earth.

Brad Miller 17:03
Yeah, and if you're going to be fulfilled person, and by your definition, have fun in your life, you need all three parts, to use your your framework there, you need to have that emotional and physical and the spiritual to be a whole person. And that's at least why I like to take it. And I think that's important aspect to come for us to approach as well, let me ask about some of the ways that you do this, I'd like to talk for just a second Joel about some of the practical ways you live out this lifestyle that you have talked about any habits or routines or things that you do in your life to intentionally live a fulfilled fun life?

Joel Comm 17:42
Well, for me, personally, I'm unemployable. Now, I know there are people that enjoy working, employed and having whatever their job is. And that may be their calling. And that's fine. For me personally, it means that I don't ever want to to be on a traditional schedule, I like to sleep in until I'm awake, I like to stay up until I'm ready to sleep. I like to sometimes I'll work all day on Sunday, and take off all day on Wednesday, sometimes I'll work late into the evening or not get started until noon. It just I try not to over schedule myself to the point where I'm so busy that I'm not seizing the day. And so I probably I feel like I work less than most people I know. And it's not because of where I am financially in my life. It's because of a choice I make to live each day in the way that is most satisfying. For me, there's a lot of flexibility in that. And so I when I look back on the years that I worked more, because I thought I was supposed to, I realized that a lot of that time I was spinning my wheels with, with needless effort. And it could have been more time, you know, with my family, or more time, you know, resting or vacationing or enjoying my hobbies. And so I'm not you know, going to make that mistake again, there is once you've made money and lost money, you understand how money works, then I think when you become even a step closer to being self actualize, done, you know, on Maslow's hierarchy, then you realize materialism isn't going to really ever satisfy. It's more about the quality of your life. And it comes down to two things, the people in your life in the experiences that you have, that's ultimately the only thing that is of lasting value. You know, nobody gets to their deathbed and goes man, I could have worked an extra 10 hours a week, instead of instead of playing, you know, I could have had a second car, I could have had a third home or a boat or whatever.

Brad Miller 19:59
Yeah, you can't, as one of the studies you referenced in your book St. with people who, what regrets they have, at the end of their life. And I've been privileged to be with people in their life. And, and you just can't take it with you. There's never, there's never a u haul trailer behind a hearse, or anything like that. There's, you know, so you and people always, almost always talk about relationships or experiences. And that's been the privilege and I've had, so that's awesome. Just well,

Joel Comm 20:27
and the problem the problem is, people plan out for their future, right? And they say, Okay, I'm going to work for 35 years, and I'm going to retire and I'm going to move to Arizona or whatever, which I can't imagine why you would do that. The idea of stopping production of value to me seems like your death sentence. I don't get that at all. But, you know, even more importantly, is we don't know how long we have, you know, I'm in I'm 54 right now. And I've seen people younger than myself acquaintance and friends, you know, leave their lives early, you know, too soon. And others, you know, live to grow to be old. Well, I don't know how long I'm going to live. We just we don't know. And if I'm always planning for one day, I'm going to fill in the blank. That blank may never get filled in. And so we have to car pay the idioms and we have to do it now.

Brad Miller 21:22
No one knows. Yeah, hour a day. So what would you say right now, Joel? Is your purpose in life? What would you say? Right? That is right now, you know,

Joel Comm 21:31
I feel like I am here to to bring value through my talents, my skills, my abilities, I like to inspire people, I like to help people to feel good about themselves. by pointing out the reasons they should feel good about themselves. I like to focus on on the positive. In fact, I've got a phrase that I have trademarked and placed on a T shirt and stickers, that's called do good stuff. It's the hashtag that we use is do good stuff. And the idea there is that there's enough bad news in the world. And especially if you're watching the news or reading the newspaper, turn that off, they are there just to manipulate you and it's poison. Yeah, it is that they are there to sell you toothpastes, toilet paper, and to make you fearful and, and they do a good job for those that you know that eat it up. But turn that off and recognize there is way more good in the world than there is bad. infinitely more good than there is bad. You just don't see it show up. Hey, and tonight on the news. You know, we've got puppies and balloons and birthday parties and you know, people rescuing people. And in the end, the human interest stories, the murder, right? Instead, we have a whole half hour full of bad news murders and bombings and wars and scandals. And then at the end, there's the puppy story, right? It's in this because it's what sells. So turn that off. Focus on on what's positive. And if you if you seek to do good stuff, putting good out there in the world without always thinking what's in it for me, not saying we shouldn't have contracts and deals and negotiations. But I'm saying there's many times if we just seek to do good without expecting anything in return. I believe that when you sow good seed, good fruit comes up. And you don't always know when you don't always know where you don't always know how it could happen overnight. It could take decades. But it's true what they say what goes around comes around and so put good stuff out there. And that's that that's what I seek to do.

Brad Miller 23:41
Absolutely. It's just and it's the opposite of what we talked about earlier fear, we focused on the fear that's destructive. You focus on the fun and the productive, good things happen. So speaking about productive, how would you define prosperity, you know,

Joel Comm 23:55
I don't define it as monetary or material. I think if, if a man is fulfilled, or woman is fulfilled, in their work, and in their relationships than the measure, you know, I think they're successful. I think they're prosperous. I think that if we are rich in in love, and the people around us that matter that to us than we win

Brad Miller 24:24
Absolutely. What brings you peace and fulfillment?

Joel Comm 24:28
My faith brings me peace and fulfillment and my relationships with my family and my friends. You know, I love my kids. And they're both grown adults now. And it's a joy to see them making their way in the world. You know, regardless of how scary it is, and how difficult is when you're when you're getting started. And it's rewarding to know that every now and then you know, you get an email or a call from somebody that says you've impacted them in a positive way it's like that that's cool. That's good to know. It's It's It's not for nothing thing it's not just talking into the wind

Brad Miller 25:03
well that's awesome. Well thank you for your time that we could go and talk to you for a long time raising adult children is a whole big thing there I know you're very much into the cryptocurrency world right now there's a whole different discussion there but if folks want to learn more about you Joel and learn about what you're up to how can they find out more about your what you're up to

Joel Comm 25:23
Joel calm calm is my blog or follow me on Facebook or Twitter both are you know, agile. Tom and if you are interested in cryptocurrency, check out the bad crypto podcast the show that we make blockchain and Bitcoin and cryptocurrency easy for people to understand.

Brad Miller 25:41
Absolutely. Well thank you Joel comm for being our guest today on pathway to promise






PTP.031: Five Things Total Forgiveness IS!-Part 2

PTP.031: Five Things Total Forgiveness IS!

The Mission of the Pathway to Promise Podcast is to be a guide and provide a pathway for people to overcome adversity and achieve success in their life.  It is based on the promise that every person has a God-given promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose available to them to claim.   The podcast is published weekly by Dr. Brad Miller, a lifelong student of life transformation with 35 years of experience in Christians ministry and an earned doctoral degree in transformational leadership.

In Episode 031 Dr. Brad teaches on forgiveness; in particular five ways to experience total and complete forgiveness in your life.  This is part 2 of a teaching on total and complete forgiveness.

In additional to Dr. Brad’s teaching Episode 031 will feature a contribution from Scatt Maderer from Christian stewardship Counseling who teaches about “finding your financial sherpa.”

Enjoy Episode 031 of The Pathway to Promise Podcast.

Dr. Brad Miller

September 2018


Inspired Stewardship

Read Full Transcript

Brad Miller 0:00
pathway to promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller Episode Number 31 total and complete forgiveness how not to hold a grudge part to

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler 0:13
relationship health doctor and I am the author of Kaizen for couples smart steps to save, sustain and strengthen your relationship. I'm delighted to endorse Dr. Brad Miller as he helps people find their promise, life of peace, prosperity, and purpose right here

on the pathway to promise podcast. Stay tuned.

Brad Miller 0:37
We let things eat you alive. You know, it impacts everything else in your life. You know, an impact your marriage impacts, your health

impacts, how you have an outlook on life, it impacts everything and

we know that the people who have happiness in their life

and fulfillment in their life with people have learned the secret the freedom of total and complete forgiveness,

Unknown 1:01
you are on the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller Bradley's every person has a god given promise life of peace, prosperity and purpose. And that you must have a plan and a guide to get there. The pathway to promise podcast Not only is your guide through the wilderness of depression and disappointment that stand between you and your promise life, but also brings you insights and direction from inspiring successful thought leaders who have transformed their lives. Welcome to the pathway to promise now here's Brad

Brad Miller 1:32
Hello game. Good people. My friend,

my friend, my friend, Dr. Brad Miller, here with the pathway to promise podcast.

It is awesome that you are joining me today on this episode number 31 pathway upon this podcast

where we are all about being helpful to you being helpful to you, to help you to understand that God has given you a promise, life of peace, prosperity and purpose. And that you have an opportunity to claim that life with you implement a plan and when do you have guides in your life can help you overcome adversity. Oh, death, divorce, disease, bad stuff happens in your life. It happens to all of us, doesn't it? But you can overcome that and get on a pathway to have a great life, a wonderful life, a peaceful life. And that's what we're here to do. To give you a pathway to that promise life. I have a background in ministry, 35 years in ministry, and a doctoral degree and and transformational leadership. And I'm here to be helpful and I bring a lot of great guests and to be helpful as well to be helpful in your life to help you overcome whatever adversity you have your life into achieve success we call peace, prosperity, and purpose. Today's episode Episode Number 31 of the pathway to promise is brought to you by and sponsored by the book The promise given life the 40 day way to overcome adversity and claim your promise life peace, prosperity and purpose that would be released later on this year here and you can get on the waiting list and download an excerpt from the book by going to pathway promise. com slash 40 day way it's at our it's at our website for today way calm, where you can learn more about what we're about here. Learn more about me, Dr. Brad Miller, and about what we're about here at the podcast. You can go to our catalog

Unknown 3:20
of great guests

Brad Miller 3:21
we've had in the past who can just gave some great teaching and insight on how to overcome all kinds of things in your life, depression and divorce and, and financial setbacks, and all kinds of things. Indeed, later on this episode, Scott Mater will be here who is from Christian stewardship counseling, and he will lead us in a session on financial freedom, particularly how to have a guide or a Sherpa. He calls it to help you be your freedom money guide. He'll be here today a little bit later on to share with us that so we're glad you're here today. We want to teach today and share a little bit about forgiveness. You know, forgiveness is such a huge thing. We've been hurt in our life. All of us have Hathaway in my life. I've had some major setbacks in my life went through a terrible divorce A number of years ago that was very painful. I've had reversals where I've lost jobs, things like that. I've had people who have done me dirty if people steal money from me, I've had things my possessions stolen from me. I've been, you know, physically hurt at times beat up, people have heard me and yet here I am. People have hurt you haven't you? Big you've gone through your painful times you somebody's done. You dirty, what do you do with it, you can hold a grudge, that's one thing you can do. That's one thing we can do. And we can let it eat you alive. If we let it. And we let things eat you alive. You know, it impacts everything else in your life. You know, it impacts your marriage and impacts your health. It impacts how you have an outlook on life and impacts everything. And we know that the people who have happiness in their life have fulfillment in our life of people have learned the secret the freedom of total and complete forgiveness. And that's what I wanted to share with you today. five ways that you can have the freedom of total and complete forgiveness. So just five things here for us to learn today. How to have total and complete forgiveness, five things to do. If you want to hear five things not to do go back to Episode 30. And I had some things to share with you about that. But today, five things to do to achieve total and complete forgiveness. Number one,

be aware of what someone has done and still forgive them.

That is to understand, you know, somebody did you dirty, somebody cheated on you, and you're married, somebody took your money, somebody hurts you, physically. They did it, they did it, they hurt you. And yet you can still choose to forgive them. So that's on us. We cannot be dependent on the other party to change our behavior. You can't be dependent on that. It is a choice. It's not a feeling. It's not it's an active, it is active will. It is a decision that we make that we're going to forgive them to give us release us freedom. It's not about the other party, it's about us. The second thing that we can do friends to achieve total and complete forgiveness is to refuse to punish. You know, there is definitely right, the urge to lash out when someone has hurt us to defend. And you know, we have the Bible gives us kind of mixed messages there a little bit, you know, one part of the Bible it may say, you know, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and another part of the Bible and might say, you know, turn the other cheek. Let's understand, you know, what Jesus did is he asked people to forgive, and other party 70 times seven. And he forgave those who crucified Him. And He forgave those who denied him, and he forgave the those who are on the cross with him, every of those who crucified Him. Let's understand that that doesn't mean what they did was right. But he chose to forgive them and chose not to punish them. If we follow the biblical metaphor. And the story about Jesus, Jesus could have called down, you know, the lightning from heaven to destroy things and data we know that's very, very possible didn't happen that way. The Bible says, There is no fear in love. And so that means you cast out fear, perfect love drives out fear, and the one who fears is not made love. That's from first john four. So I just keep that kind of thing in mind. Friends don't punish guess what if you've tried to punish someone or get retribution, it doesn't do any good. All it does is hurt you when you lash out and try to punish someone or to get even, you're not getting even, you're just making things worse, and it's not going to do any good. So refuse to punish is another thing that we can do a total and complete freedom.

Something else that we can do to have total and complete freedom is to

Unknown 8:30
is to not tell what they did.

Unknown 8:35
Yeah, this is a tough one a little bit because it means that we

Brad Miller 8:40
aren't calling them out, you know, it doesn't do any good to do that really, we want to somehow confront the other party oftentimes are some want think that they are going to, if we confront them, that they are going to somehow confess their sin and want us to, you know, ask through forgiveness that happens sometimes, but we can't force the issue. It's not on us to do that. It's not on us to be about that it is about us to do

understand that it's about our decision about what we do. And so that's another thing that we can be about here, friends, is understanding that this is not expecting them to do this for us. Here's something else we can do. We can be gracious, we can be gracious, and being totally, forgiveness means we are graceful, and we have mercy. That means we are tolerant of others. And it means to be a person who is

not judgmental. This is very hard to do I get it. But if you want to have total complete forgiveness, this thing means understanding other people have junk going on in their life. It means that they sometimes carry out bad things because they have had some bad experience in their life. And we need to understand that that it's going on,

it is going something's wrong with him. And they've been how they grew up. Maybe if someone beat you up, maybe they were beaten as a child themselves. give you one example. We know that that is often often the case that people do that now doesn't mean you accept that behavior course. But it means how we deal with it on our level is to be gracious, that's how we have complete forgiveness. Remember, this is about what we do. It's not dependent what the other person does. And one more thing that the what was what

this is about what total complete forgiveness is, is also to understand this is about forgiving understanding God, okay. There's often the tendency isn't there to blame God to say, God, why did you do this to me? Why did you allow bad things to happen to me? It is not, you know, we think that God is somehow responsible or allowing things to happen to us. And no matter what you think about,

about God, about a higher being in your life, we sometimes think you know, that the world is against me, this type of thing. Well, justice, okay, it just isn't. And we need to let our bitterness go get better. This is where we sometimes resent God, resent the higher and resent the universe. And that's just not going to do any good. So to be to have told the complete forgiveness in our life is not to compare ourselves to other people. see somebody, people are blessed by God. And I'm not. But I understand God's ultimate will, for all of us is good things. And sometimes bad things do happen. Bitterness will eat us up in we can't do that. And along the same lines is kind of a six thing kind of a bonus thing. Here's this, forgive ourselves, you know, forgive ourselves. That simply means that sometimes if we're going to have total complete forgiveness, we often blame ourselves, well, I should have did this we shouldn't have done that I shouldn't have, you know,

shouldn't have been, you know, hurtful to this other person. We can, if we can forgive God, then we forgive ourselves and to you know, sometimes people think, you know, I think God forgives me, I can't forgive myself for what I've done. Well, you know, we were the only ones who have control over ourselves, we can change if we choose to, part of what the whole a pathway to promise process about is that transformation can take place. But you can't change yourself until you forgive yourself for your past hurts doesn't mean you forget them. But it means you can change and you start to forgive yourself and you don't live in the land or bitterness, you go to a journey of getting better. So that's some things to share with you today. And the array of teaching about what we can do to have total complete forgiveness. And you can look the book total forgiveness by RT Kendall to give you a little more direction in this as well. But we know this is something that is so important our lives total and complete forgiveness. So the analysis so important, our life is our financial planning isn't it. And we are so fortunate here the pathway to promise podcasts to have a great leader and financial planning and leadership and debt retirement and getting financial freedom in your life, and that Scott Mater from Christian stewardship coaching, and he is with us here today to talk about the importance of climbing the money mountain in our life of having a Sherpa or a financial guide. So let's hear what Scott has to share with us right

Unknown 13:50
now with the pathway to promise podcasts.

Unknown 13:55
This point

Scott Maderer 14:00
prior to that plan began climbing the mountain making progress on your path to financial freedom. You've taken a moment and you've caught your breath plugged into a higher power, realize

Unknown 14:14

Scott Maderer 14:15
you are at the center of the universe, and God wants what's best for you. Another thing to think about and realize is that nobody does this sort of thing alone, you have to find a guide, you have to find a Sherpa someone to to walk along beside you on the way up the mountain, you've got to find people that can speak into your life. And that can help guide you and can help provide advice, provide accountability, provide support, be a cheerleader, someone or someone's who can be virtual mentors, or real life mentors. These people can come from all sorts of places to they don't have to eat be in your hometown, they don't even have to be someone you know, it could be a virtual mentor could come from a book or a podcast or something else. It could come from an older, wiser person, it could come from someone who you've identified who is successful with their money, it could come from a coach, someone that you hire to guide you along the path. It could come from a spouse for single people, especially, this is important to identify an accountability partner, not somebody to be your shopping buddy, not somebody to look at you and say, Yeah, why not buy two of those, but somebody to truly hold you accountable

for a spouse. accountability is not about nagging. It's not about looking at somebody and saying, Why did you do that? or Why didn't you do that. Remember, if you've got a plan and you're married, you've got to be working together on that plan, you've got to be looking to go to the same place, you've got to bring your values together and make that why something that both of you are doing so that it doesn't push one of you away from the other. Finding a coach, finding an accountability partner, finding a mentor, either in the real world, or through books, and podcast, identify people who have values that are similar to yours, identify people who have been successful with money, and listen to what they have to say,

this is about empowerment. This is about taking time to not just learn knowledge, but to change your spirit, change your heart, change your mind, realizing that mindset and behavior is Oh, so much more important than just the math.

If you're paying off debt, and it takes you a long time to do it. It's easy to tire out, it's easy to start climbing that mountain, get halfway up and just run out of steam.

Having people around you who can look at you when you're doing that and say, hey, look at how far you've come. Look at what you've done. Look at the success that you've had.

Keep going. You can do this. That's important.

Sometimes it's about knowledge. Sometimes it's about plugging into somebody whether it's a Dave Ramsey a Suzy Orman, somebody around who actually speaks about money in a way that resonates with you. But make sure that it's somebody who's actually good with money. Somebody who's had some success with money, not just oh, I don't know some broke buddy of yours who's just as much money trouble as you are.

Instead, find those guides and those mentors who can speak success into your life. Because they've experienced that success at some level. Find those people who don't beat you up, but lift you up,

find those people who can speak life into your money situation. That is an important step along this path. That is something that you must do if you want to really stick to it and have success.

This is something that lets you sustain the climbing of the mountain for a long time. This is what will help you along with plugging into the higher powers along with looking out for God, what God calls you to do. Having those people around you oftentimes speaks into your life, the voice of God speaks into your life, the calling that you have asked the people around you ask them, what are you supposed to be doing with your life, how, how is money holding you back,

ask them for help ask them what they did. To become successful with money

in a very real way. If you go out and do the things that other successful people do, you will find success. You've probably heard the statement that you are the sum of the five people that are closest to you. And in a very real way, that's true. But you've got to find a way to surround yourself with people that have success if you want to have success. So the next step on this path is fine, that guide find somebody who can speak into your life and guide you

Unknown 20:13
on your path.

Brad Miller 20:19
made a promise podcast brought to you today by the book, The promise given life before today, way to overcome adversity and claim your promise, life of peace, prosperity, and purpose. We hope that you'll go head on over to our website, pathway, promised.com slash 40 day way and get an excerpt of that book that will be helpful to you in your life. That's our free gift to you. You're the pathway to promise we're all about being helpful to you. I'm Dr. Brad Miller, I'm here to be helpful to you and my teaching and my leadership, but it's just really about you and I having a conversation really is kind of pretend like we are just having a conversation over a cup of coffee in your living room where we're just having a walk together. And we're just talking about things that matter things better, because, you know, we all have adversities to handle. We all have first needs to overcome. You know, whatever it is, you've gone through a painful divorce, you have a health issue, you have something going on your life with your spiritual life, you have something happening in your life, with your

deep in debt. We all got those things to overcome. But you know, we all want I believe we all want a life of peace, a life of the comfort of a peaceful life, that mental stability that comes with that emotional well being. We all want to have, you know, prosperity in our life. That is the freedom that comes with having everything we need in this life. You'll physically and otherwise in order to have a sense of gratitude about what we do have an acceptance what we do have, and I believe we all want us it's a purpose that gives us meaningfulness in life. And when we often have meaninglessness in our life and have a purpose and direction for our family, for our spiritual life for our career, to be productive person if the person has meaningful knows her life we're here to help if we can, that's what we're all about here and the pathway to promise podcast so we hope you join us next time for Episode Number 32 of the pathway to promise or have a great author with us Joel comm is the author the fun factor and you'll be talking about how it's good to have fun in your life release a lot of things and that's one of the great ways in order to have success in your life. So join us next time on the pathway to problems podcast with with Joel comm author of the fun factor. So until next time, friends. This is Dr. Brad Miller inviting you to continue to keep your promises because there's power in a promise kept

thanks so much for taking the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller as a subscriber, you'll be a vital part of the pathway to promise community visit us on the web at pathway promise.com. Until next time, remember to stay on your pathway to promise




PTP.030: 5 Things Total Forgiveness is NOT!

PTP.030: 5 Things Total Forgiveness is NOT!

The Mission of the Pathway to Promise Podcast is to be a guide and provide a pathway for people to overcome adversity and achieve success in their life.  It is based on the promise that every person has a God-given promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose available to them to claim.   The podcast is published weekly by Dr. Brad Miller, a lifelong student of life transformation with 35 years of experience in Christians ministry and an earned doctoral degree in transformational leadership.

In Episode 030 Dr. Brad teaches on forgiveness; in particular five ways to NOT experience total and complete forgiveness in your life.  This is part 1 of a teaching no total and complete forgiveness with Part 2 coming up in PTP.031 which will be teaching on 5 things that total and complete forgiveness IS!

In additional to Dr. Brad’s teaching Episode 030 will feature a contribution from Scatt Maderer from Christian stewardship Counseling who talks about “taking a financial breather.”

Enjoy Episode 030 of The Pathway to Promise Podcast.

Dr. Brad Miller

September 2018


Inspired Stewardship

Read Full Transcript

Brad Miller 0:00
pathway to promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller Episode Number 30 How to experience complete and total forgiveness Part One Hi

Unknown 0:12
this is Pamela Wilson from big brand system dot com and I help people answer the question What's

Unknown 0:20
your big so they

Unknown 0:21
can build a business around that

Unknown 0:24
you're listening to Dr. Brad Miller on the pathway to promise podcast

Unknown 0:29
which will

Unknown 0:30
help you find your promised

Unknown 0:33

Unknown 0:35
what tool blue forgiveness is not it's not about justifying what the other party did hurt you. It doesn't make it right. If you forgive them,

Unknown 0:45
you're on the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller Bradley's every person has a god given promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose. And that you must have a plan and a guide to get there the pathway to promise podcast the user guide through the wilderness of depression and disappointment that stand between you and your promise life but also brings you insights and direction from inspiring successful thought leaders who have transformed their lives. Welcome to the pathway to promise now here's Brad

Unknown 1:16
Hello, my good friend Dr. Brad Miller here with the pathway

Brad Miller 1:19
to promise podcast how honorable it is for you to join me today here on this episode of kind of a special milestone number 30 at the pathway to promise podcast. We've had a lot of great guests

Unknown 1:31
on our prior episodes

Brad Miller 1:32
of pathway to promise. We have also one of our ongoing experts appearing with us in this episode, Scott Miller, who is a financial planning expert with Christian stewardship counseling, and he will be talking to us today about how to take a financial breather and we're experiencing this here today, I did want you to know that today we're gonna be talking about forgiveness. Today's episode one two part episode about how to experience complete total forgiveness. Today's

episode of the pathway to promise podcast is brought to you by the book The promise given life the 40 day way to overcome adversity and claim your promise life of peace, prosperity and purpose. hope that you'll come and look for this book which we released released later on this year, you can get on the waitlist and prepare for the book and get a download which is an excerpt of the book by going to pathway promise comm slash 40 day way, I hope that you'll do just that you're on the pathway to promise podcast, we are all about being helpful to you. And understanding that you have a god given promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose. And that you have the opportunity to implement that in your life. When you follow a plan, a pathway, if you will, that can, using people who've been there before your guides to help you overcome adversities things like death, and depression in debt, and disease, and even divorce help you overcome bad things in your life. In order to achieve a life that you always wanted to break through those things and have a sense of peace. That is that that emotional, and, and powerful sense of well being that you can have prosperity, which means that you have generosity in your life, it may be financial prosperity, but most of all, this means grateful. Having some freedom in your life. And purpose means you got direction, you're going to place to go, you got a place to go with your family, with your career, with your health, with everything, your life, you're heading in a direction, you're headed in a positive way, because so many of us are stuck in a, in a malaise of mediocrity. That's what we're here to do. Dr. Brad Miller, I've got 35 years and Creek Christian ministry. And I've read many, many books and other resources have been the seminars about life transformation. And have you even written a doctoral dissertation about this and have a doctor degree in transformational leadership. And I know that I can, you know, have had transformation in my life, overcoming some difficulties in my life to come to a good place always a process of course, always a process for me and for all of us, but I can be helpful to you and what's more, we got lots of great guests here on the pathway to promise podcast who can be helpful to you as well so invite you to go the pathway promise calm, that's our website. And there you can look at all of our prior episodes of the pathway from pathway promise, podcast, lots of great folks there who can, you can learn from and apply their lessons of overcoming adversity and achieving peace, prosperity and purpose to your life and invite you to do that the first five episodes of the podcast are there. And that's where we outline the 40 day way process which is with the basis of the book The the

the promise given life, a 40 day way process to help you move through adversity to peace, prosperity and purpose. You get the foundational teaching there in the first five episodes pathway to promise so you can check us out there, we would love it. If you would help us out by giving us a rating of subscribing to our podcast on iTunes. given us a rating There are five stars if you will, we would certainly appreciate that. And then given us a review a couple lines helps other folks to to find us, we have a gift there for you to that you think if we mentioned to you earlier, which is an excerpt from the book promise given life you can go to

path or promise comm slash 40 day away and you can pick that up there as well on the website. Glad you're here with us today. Today, we're talking a little bit later on the day will have Scott Mater talking about finding taking a financial breather in your financial planning help you get out of debt. But I want to share with you a little bit about the topic of for forgiveness here today. And specifically, it's an understanding that forgiveness is something that we all think about. Because we've all been wronged, we've all been hurt, or we've hurt somebody, you don't get through this human experience without pain or without being done dirty without somebody just messing you over in life. It's a theme that's throughout the Bible. Of course, there's all kinds of situations where people who were hurt and discouraged a course the teachings of Jesus and other great spiritual leaders minute much if it's about forgiveness. And that means when forgiveness takes place, with total forgiveness takes place, you know it because it has to do with it forgive, this has to take place in order for any kind of healing or restoration of relationships to to happen. And what we're about here now is helping to give you tools in order to get through things. So we're going to do a two part teaching on forgiveness. And today we're going to talk about five things that total and complete forgiveness is not.

And then our next episode, Episode 31, we're going to talk about five elements of what total and complete forgiveness is. So I just want to share with you that

forgiveness means that if we are truly want to have healthy relationships, we've got to be forgiving others. And yet, we know there are some things that the world would want us to react with, not with forgiveness, but with retribution. And as a huge temptation is there you know, some of these things are biblical concepts. You know, the, the, you know, we here in the Bible, for instance, an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth teachings like that, which make us think of retribution, getting back at somebody who's hurt us. We also know there's also teach, he's like from effusions. Fourth Chapter where it says, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you. So we have teachings both ways in the Bible in both ways, and other teaching about how we do that. But the practicality in our families in our lives and everything we're about is this is just hard stuff to forgive others. So let's understand a little bit sometimes we think about forgiveness, we get so wrapped up in the pay of the hurt involved somebody who hurt us and hurt us deeply. It may be someone who's even dead now.

And we dwell on that we focus on that we let that consume us your get consumed by the hurt, it will eat your lunch, you will take you out it will impact every part of your life. If you do not have that sense of sense of forgiveness recorded is the time when senator john mccain just passed away a great leader in our country. And I've read some things about his life as a prisoner of war. And during during the Vietnam War for several years, five plus years, he was

in the place to call the Hanoi Hilton and where he was beaten up and left for dead in, you know, starved and and just brutally hurts in such a way that torture in such a way that he's had injuries, all you know, that lasting injuries elastic throughout his life. And we're so thankful for her service. But one of the great things I learned about him was how years later, as a senator, he was responsible for both

missions and legislation, which had to do with normalizing relationships with Vietnam, with North Vietnam and the country of Vietnam, where he was imprisoned and where he had so much brutality done to him. And he said, some of those comments, it was time to forgive, to forgive those who captured and hurt him so much. And that's amazing stuff isn't that that would happen. So there's time to learn lessons from a great warrior like Senator McCain about how to forgive and not dwell on those things about getting back to another, the winner takes it all we have some people who teach setting lead us on our culture right now who just think it's, it's worthwhile to crush everybody all the time. Forgiveness is not about that. It's about taking control of our life for our sake, and how forgiveness is a part of that. So here's five thoughts here, friends, on what total and complete forgiveness and the freedom that it brings are not to understand what it is not with someone hurts us, number one, total. And complete forgiveness is not approving of what they did. Let's just take this inner McCain, for example, for giving you the others. It's not approving of torture. Senator McCain, of course, spoke out against torture that our country sometimes has participated in, it's not approval from what they did. You know, it's not about

it's not about approval of the sin, sin is still sin. And in this case, it is understanding that there is painful things that happened, but you don't

Unknown 11:14
approve of it.

Brad Miller 11:15
That's not what it's about. It's also never to what total complete forgiveness is not it's not about justifying what the other party did, who hurt you, it doesn't make it right, if you forgive them. Just you know, if someone committed a war crime by torturing you in a prisoner of war camp, it's it doesn't justify their action, it doesn't make their actions right. Just because you have forgiven them it is doesn't justify them at all. Let's understand that tier two friends, that's two things that will total complete forgiveness is not total number three, total. And complete forgiveness is not reconciliation. Now, let's understand a little bit the difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. Forgiveness is something we can do on our own reconciliation means both parties that who have both parties who have been involved have chosen to change their behavior and such a way that their relationship is restored. reconciliation, for instance, takes place when a prisoner of war and it their captors and they come to some sort of agreement where they are now friends again, and made whole again. Well, that may not always be the case, you don't have to have a close relationship with the person who's wronged you and still get give them forgiveness. This is what would might be called a matter of grace, you can still forgive someone and not be reconciled with him. In other words, you can forgive somebody and choose to live apart. This has to be the difference. For instance, between when a divorce happens, divorce often happens when one party or both the husband wife, one party, or both have hurt each other deeply hurt each other deeply to the point where it ends their marriage. Now, the hurt can be forgiven, but sometimes the hurt cannot be reconciled. In other words for reconciled divorce might be people getting back together, but a forgiven divorce situations where people have learned to live with them and live with the fact that their divorce is to live apart, but have released the pain that has come into their life. One more thing about what another four thing about what total complete forgiveness is not, it's not forgiving. It's not forgetting this read, you know, you've heard the thing, forgive and forget. That's just ridiculous. Really, it just, it just does. We don't forget stuff. Everything is deposited in our brain, it is there. Now we do choose what we do with the things that we remember we choose and how we react to it. We don't have to wipe the memory clean for what's happened to us. Because that wouldn't be realistic. For one thing, we just don't forget meaningful events in our lives. And oftentimes, those things which cause the greatest pain, which we need to forgive somebody for are the things that are going to be outstanding, how, stating memories in our life, what it means is, we put them into the proper perspective and understand that we can love and not like someone, for instance, it is a it is this is a matter of grace for grace means that we can get on with our life and release the pain, release it Okay, and to a better place that is not forgetting. It is releasing, it goes right along with the fifth thing I want to share with you. That which

total and complete forgiveness is not. And that is not pretending that we're not hurt. Okay,

this is the people try to put on a stoic face is that people try to say, you know, they didn't matter to me that my wife, monster divorce, we it doesn't matter to me that I've been putting a prisoner of war camp and Hanoi, it doesn't matter to me, I can handle this, that again, that's just ridiculous. We can't keep a stiff upper lip all the time. We, you know, we, when we're injured, were injured. And when you're injured, you need time and opportunity to heal. It's a part of a grieving process here, friends, that's what I'm talking about. Here, you do not automatically go, it's just almost impossible to go automatically from the hurt the pain, the open wound to forgiveness, okay, you have to go through the process of the grief and there and a dealing with the pain and then understand that we are hurt people. And we need to understand that that hurt, you know, to heal. It is a process. So that's what I wanted to share with you today. Five things of what total and complete forgiveness is not in next time into our teaching on our next episode, Episode 31 pathway to promise we're going to talk about five things of which total complete forgiveness is if you want some more information or this some of what I've shared with you today comes from the book total forgiveness by our T Kendall. So some great teaching there about total and complete forgiveness and invite you to do just that. One of the things that we can do that is a painful part for a lot of us is our finances, right. And so in our financial life, we need some direction and some leadership because that can be a point of some pain for us, either personally, or sometimes in our marriages. And we have had some great teaching from from Scott major, who is a great Christian, spiritual finance, Angel and stewardship counselor. And he has some great teaching for us today on the topic of how to take of financial breathing.

Unknown 17:09

Unknown 17:09
listen to what Scott has to share.

Scott Maderer 17:13
Let's take a moment and catch her breath.

Unknown 17:17
you've identified that you're having a problem with money, you face that problem, you've admitted it, you've done a triage and looked at how you've been spending your money and what kind of income you have, you've identified, if you're having an income problem or an outgo problem, you come up with a plan, you begin to execute that plan, you've begun to set a budget in place. Maybe for the first time ever, maybe you've sold some things that you never thought you'd sell, or figured out a way to work an extra job and commit to bringing more money in,

Unknown 17:55
maybe you've identified your values, your priorities, your why, and you've plugged into those things. Take a moment,

Unknown 18:07
catch your breath,

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visualize success,

Unknown 18:13
and realize that there is a God who wants to bless you beyond belief

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who wants you to succeed with money.

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And part of that is beginning to take on an attitude of stewardship. beginning to realize that you aren't the owner, you aren't the most important person in the relationship that you have with money. God is

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God owns it all. All of the hills, all of the mountains, and all of the cattle on those hills belong to God.

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God also wants you to succeed.

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He wants happiness, he wants joy, he wants success in your life.

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But to do that, you've got to give up the attitude that you own it, that you control it. And yet, at the same time, you have to work you have to strive, you have to drive forward. So weird, contradictory mindset, it's being both content with where you are, while being driven to make it a little better tomorrow than it is today.

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It's a chance to become empowered by a higher power,

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find ways to visualize success, find ways to put in front of you, those things that are important to you, and that are important to God. Find ways to turn those successes into something tangible. If you've paid off a debt market out, show yourself that you've made another step on the journey to freedom.

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If you've done something really important to your budget, or you found a way to bring things into balance, when they've never been balanced before, have a celebration,

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take some time and actually spend some time with your family or your friends,

Unknown 20:35
that celebration may involve spending a little bit of money. And that's okay. Remember, this isn't about saying no to everything. This is about saying no to the things that are a waste so that you can say yes to those things that you really value that are really important. Those things that God wants for you and that you want so that you can live out your life to God, glory.

Unknown 21:02
This is about empowering yourself through plugging in to God and a higher power this is about realizing that, that why that you set down that chance to provide freedom for your family, that chance to stop the stress and the pain that you feel every time you look at the money problems, you're having

Unknown 21:28
those those things, those why's that are so important to you are also important to God.

Unknown 21:37
Those things that you have seen and desired that stress that you felt because you knew you had a calling. But the money was somehow keeping you from living out that calling.

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Well, the way to get out of that stress is to become content and yet driven content with where you are yet driven to make it better tomorrow than it is today.

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Find ways to visualize your success.

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Find ways to put both God in front of everything you do. And make sure that you're doing those things to bring glory to God. Not Glory to you. But also find ways to visualize where you'll be when you get done with this journey.

Unknown 22:31
This is about taking a moment catching your breath, looking at what you've done already, and realizing you've already done something important. you've realized that there was a need for change, you've begun to make a plan, you've begun to execute it. It doesn't matter whether you're on day one of the plan or day 31 of the plan, or they 91 of the plan. The fact that you've taken that step is always ready a step towards the life that God wants for you.

Unknown 23:06
And you need to realize that you need to recognize that you need to let the emotion of that sink in and enter your heart, your mind your soul, and dwell within you

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take a moment

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to breathe.

Unknown 23:26
Remember, if you've been dealing with money problems for a while, it's taken you a long time to get into the situation that you're in. And it's going to take some time to get out.

Unknown 23:39
But at the same time, the fact that you've recognized it and begun to make a change. That's the single most important first step. And in all honesty, that mindset change that you've made of, I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm going to make it different. I'm going to help change this when with God's help. I can that belief that with God's help, you can get out of these money problems. that mindset is the single most important mindset and predictor to success.

Unknown 24:20
That ability to plug into a higher power

Scott Maderer 24:26
to be both content and driven to recognize the problem to recognize that it's not going to be easy but to celebrate the wins along the way and recognize that you can do this that's the biggest predictor to success with dealing with your money problems.

This is Scott made from inspired

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and these steps from your path promise.

Brad Miller 25:02
Well, my friend thank you for being a tuning enemy Lister. Today to Episode 31 of pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller, been great to have you with us. We've been teaching today about forgiveness, I

hope you'll take it to heart. As we talked a little bit today about the five things of what total complete forgiveness is not and we invite you to check us out next time on episode 31 will be teaching on what total and complete forgiveness is. And we'll have some more teaching from Scott Mater from our financial Christian financial stewardship counselor who will give us some leadership about having a guide in your life to help guide you in your stewardship and your money decisions. It's a great lesson you're gonna want to tune into Episode Number 31 next time here on pathway to promise. Keep in mind that this episode of pathway to promise has been brought to you by the book The promise given life be published later on this year. It is subtitle the 40 day way to overcome adversity and claim your promise life of peace, prosperity and purpose. You can get an excerpt of the book down a little local expert excerpt of the book and you can have the waitlist to be one of the first people to know about the book by going over to pathway promise comm slash 40 day way, that's the numeral 44 zero de da why why 40 day way. So we invite you to do just that. Of course, it's a pathway promise where you can listen to a lot of our you can listen to all our catalogue of episodes of teaching about how people overcome adversity to achieve their promise, life of peace, prosperity, and purpose, which is what we're all about here on the pathway to promise podcast and we look forward to having you join us next time on the pathway to promise as we explore the episodes of total and complete

forgiveness. So until next time friends Remember to keep your promises because there's power

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in a promise kept

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thanks so much for taking the pathway to promise but Dr. Brad Miller as a subscriber you'll be a vital part of the pathway to promise community visit us on the web at pathway promise dot com. Until next time, remember to stay on your pathway to promise






PTP.029: Do You Mind If I Change My Mind

PTP.029: Do You Mind If I Change My Mind

The mission of the Pathway to Promise Podcast is to help people overcome adversity to achieve their promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.

In Episode 029 Dr. Brad Miller teaches about the importance of mindfulness in life transformation.  Specifically, Brad refers to Harris book “I’m Ok, You’re Ok” and the importance of Transactional Analysis in understanding the nature of our personal personalities and how we relate to other people.

Dr. Brad Miller

August 2018